Thursday, June 21, 2012

some nights.

For some reason, I always have this running dialogue in my head and it usually begins with "My name is Sammy. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and I ________." And the blank is whatever is on my mind at the time. I don't know when I started narrating my life in this way. It seems like it's been forever. And it's stupid, really. I probably have even written about it before. But anyway.

Summer makes me nostalgic. Which is weird. I think every season makes me nostalgic in one way or another though. I guess I truly am an old soul at heart because for some reason I always think longingly of the past as "the good ole days", even though truthfully it wasn't as good as I remember it being. I was reflecting on warm summer nights like this, while driving home from work as I drove past a car with one headlight aglow and I instinctively hit the roof of my car with my fist, yelling "SEX!" And I thought of a boy with pale blue eyes and a big, goofy smile that he was never really fond of, spread across his face looking at me. And it was weird because I hardly think of him that way at all anymore.
And then I started thinking... 
I remember writing a similar post last year. Reminiscing on what my previous summer was like and wondering how different I'd feel this summer from last. The funny thing is, I actually feel exactly the same as I did last summer. Even though almost everything in my world is different. I wondered what friends I'd lose and what people I wouldn't think about anymore. Or people I'd long to think about. But I never could have imagined who I would gain, or ever be prepared for some I would lose. I'm also surprised by those who I lost but have since gained back and under what circumstances. It's all crazy really. Life, I mean. I don't really know why I'm writing this, or why I have a blog anymore. No one reads this, or cares. But I thought I'd throw something out there.  

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