so put on your best boys and i'll wear my pearls.

I keep thinking of great blog ideas and then by the time I actually sit down to write a blog I forget. I guess I should start writing them down or something. Regardless, until I remember any of these things I'll just leave you with this.

i've never heard silence quite this loud

Thanks for your responses on my last entry everyone. I tend to agree with you all, I find it hard to believe that you could ever really hate someone you once loved but it's something I wonder about.

Anyway, it's Valentine's Day. I started the day off really positively and was very excited because the sun was out and it was supposed to be a warm day. I got to wear a summery dress to school and I knew I was going to see the person that I love today even if he doesn't feel the same anymore.

Somewhere along the way though this day finally got to me. I tried to tell myself it was just another Monday and I still had Pretty Little Liars, Greek, and Gossip Girl to look forward to but about an hour ago I kind of just got sad. But it's okay! I've been single most of my life, nothing new and this is what I keep telling myself:

because he is.

first post of 2011

This is also incidentally my 101st blog post on this website. Crazyyy. Especially because most of them are really stupid ha.

Anyway, I could do the whole cliché thing of posting my new years resolutions but I highly doubt any of you care. Also, let’s be honest. It’s January 2nd, do you have any idea how many resolutions have already been broken? Probably a lot, I don’t know the exact number either haha.

I really do have some goals for myself though and I feel like I should put them in writing so I adhere to them a little bit. No one will comment on this anyway so here are the goals for 2011 and just life in general and beyond this year.

1. Exercise more. And by more I mean at all. I am thinking 3x a week. Trying to keep this realistic. Ha.

2. Be less emotionally charged. I am a sensitive (yet very strong and stubborn) person. I have a side of me that can get ugly if I am frustrated, upset, or overwhelmed and I know everyone does but I seem to be lashing out at people more and more and I really need to stop. I feel terrible and childish afterwards so I am really working on this now.

3. Get a job. I am trying so hard but it really has to happen now.

4. Find time to write and read more. Seriously, I am an English major failure.

I’d like to act like number 5 of my goals would be to successfully stop thinking about him. But I know that won’t happen. And in any case, I will begin seeing him on a regular basis so that will be interesting. Maybe we’ll finally get things right. I feel like there has to be a reason why we’re still so upset about things.

Enough about me, here is my wish for all of you this year.

I swear I didn’t mean for it to feel like this.

I finally saw Tangled today. Ha. It was cute. I can’t really appreciate love stories anymore. Something about them always stings a little now. I wonder when that feeling will fade. When I won’t associate love with him anymore and the idea of finding another guy that could make me feel feelings so deeply doesn’t completely repulse me or worse even seem possible. Because it doesn’t seem possible anymore and that scares me more than anything else.

Also, it’s almost Christmas but I don’t feel a thing.