Monday, July 25, 2011

i feel so far from where i've been.

Sorry I haven't actually written something in awhile. I've been struggling, I'm not going to lie. But I've been trying to keep busy. I must admit I've been a little reckless and have wanted to runaway more than actually stay here and face my problems but I am still here after all right? I've felt a lot weaker lately than I've ever felt in my life. I've always kind of known I was stronger than the average person but I haven't felt that way lately. I honestly feel really lost in my life right now. I don't know what my future holds at all. I don't know what I want to do with myself as a career or anything like that. I think for the most part all I've figured out in my first couple years of college are all the things I don't want. I guess that's slightly helpful but it'd be nice to actually have goals or ideas of where I want to be going instead of stumbling around in the dark which is what I feel like I'm doing in my personal life. I guess I'll just be straight forward and say that my boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago now and I don't even know what to say about it. I just thought I'd tell my readers who I don't talk to very often anymore and keep them updated. It happened because of odd circumstances that I won't go into here but it's been hard for me as all break ups are, I just don't know how to handle it at all. And I keep going back and forth between all these feelings I have and I just don't know what to do. I worry about him and I still love him but he's pushing me away and I have to accept that and sit around and wait. Things that I'm really really not good at at all.

In other news school is starting in less than a month and I am torn between feelings of yay distractions and ugh no more summer. I'm really bad at this thing called life. Someone help me?

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