Tuesday, July 26, 2011

do you remember how it used to be, we'd turn out the lights and didn't just sleep

So I'm just sitting in my room listening to a playlist on 8 Tracks called "From Bitter to Better" and trying to figure out when exactly I became so old. I became acutely aware of it today while wandering around Butlerville Days with my friends and looking at all the high school kids and thinking "God, did I really look that clueless and awkward at 16?" And I realized that yes in fact I did, and I probably looked worse... this was me at 16

If you don't think that's bad enough check this out

I had no boobs hahaha

I'm also super weirded out that I have so many pictures of me from high school where I'm taking dumb mirror shots. I forgot this was when Myspace was still popular. Maybe I'll post more if you're lucky ;) 
But I digress
I'm 20 years old. And when I got home from my night I sat down next to mom and watched Doug on the 90's Are All That and seriously I felt so old. I have just had a strange night I guess. I'm not even sure how to word how I feel right now, I just feel really weird. I guess I reflected back on high school and graduation and I thought of my life then and I never imagined I'd end up this way. When I graduated high school I thought I was going to Utah State. I thought I'd go there for four years and become a psychologist which meant going somewhere else for grad school and now I'm on a completely different path. My best friends then are now total strangers to me that I've barely talked to in the past year. Some people that I was acquaintances with or enemies with even are some of my closest friends now. I suppose vice versa has happened as well, I've lost some close friends too. People have been engaged, married, and having kids that I never expected would settle down so fast. It's all just mind blowing I guess.

I don't really know what the point of this was but it's nice to throw my thoughts out there sometimes. I think I'm always contemplative and thinking about how different my 24th of July always is every year. Last year I was at a Real game with my boyfriend Truong and Ed and Diana. Truong and I went out to lunch at Market Street and then we swam in Chelsea's pool with Ed before the game and I didn't have a swimsuit so I swam in my underwear haha. She was on vacation and her cousin was over and he came outside and scared the hell out of us. Truong was pretending to be a koala and clinging to me and said I was a eucalyptus tree. It's weird the things you remember. Haha. The year before I barely remember. Jane wasn't my friend anymore and I think I stayed home and sulked about it. The year before that Jane and I went to Butlerville Days together and watched the fireworks in our friend Brad's backyard. I don't know why I'm telling you guys all of this I'm just feeling reflective. My heart is big. I remember things down to the very last details and it's hard for me to let go I guess. It's hard for me to believe that people I loved so dearly could stop loving me back but it seems to be a trend in my life. People move on, but I never seem to.

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