Saturday, November 3, 2012

& maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much

If my life was turned into a movie, I couldn't help but think some important parts would be cut out. I mean, obviously it couldn't be my whole life but some of the biggest moments of clarity for me were when I was driving alone. And you know, that driving alone scenes in movies are always edited out. (Unless you're Birdemic which is probably the most godawful movie ever, watch it on Netflix if you don't believe me). But really, a lot of my life takes place in my head. Which makes me sound like a crazy person but it's just that I'm one of those people that thinks a lot. More than anyone ever should honestly. But I digress. I'm not alone as much as I used to be. And I wondered if that's why I thought I was better. I had more distractions, less time to think. But maybe I'll always just be fucked up underneath it. The anxiety and depression will always just lie dormant within me, waiting to come back up with the slightest bit of recall or weakness. Which is fine, I guess. They're old friends, but more like life-sucking relatives that come over without calling first and expect you to have all their favorite foods and be okay with them monopolizing the television. I don't know where I'm going with this blog post. It's kind of a hodgepodge of shit. All I know is that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and I needed to write something and not do my homework. I can't help but be scared I have the Smith girl curse...I'm never gonna get married or ever date anyone again. Just gonna be an old lady with her lame blog and a bottle of wine on a Saturday night. Also I can't stop listening to this song. There's always one Taylor Swift song on every album that just clicks with me and makes me bawl. Yeah, I'm lame and pathetic, it's cool. I'm not going to apologize for it. The title and this picture are quotes from it.

I'm a crumbled up piece of paper lying here
Cause I remember it all all all too well

Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I´d like to be my old self again
But I'm still trying to find it

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