Wednesday, September 26, 2012

i am sick with wanting & it's evil & it's daunting.

Sometimes my depression likes to manifest itself in my life as complacency. This sounds like a bit of a contradiction but it makes sense in my head. Like, my life is so boring but good that it almost makes me sad. It makes me long for the times when my heart is broken and I'm feeling every emotion amplified. Or when I'm ridiculously, unbelievably, mind consumingly, happy. And I think that's the point I'm at right now. I have an amazing life. I have incredible friends who I can be myself around and who love me regardless of how I mess up, my family is starting to accept me, I have a job, I am (struggling) to get an education, etc. But I don't know. I guess I'm just looking for something to shake me up, to make me feel strong feelings again. But lately I feel like that isn't going to happen to me, that maybe I should get used to this complacent feeling. I need to get out of here. I need an adventure. But then I don't know if that's just my complacent depression, that maybe we as humans are just programmed to keep wanting more for ourselves and to keep progressing. Maybe that's normal and I'm not depressed at all. I don't know, all I know is I think my head is going to explode from all the caffeine I've had today. Also I found this picture on my Pinterest tonight. I never use Pinterest but I still love this quote.

Maybe someday.

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