Saturday, April 7, 2012

& it feels like i am just too close to love you

"Be happy". That's all I've ever wanted for you, I wanted to add but didn't.
I'm going to write a book of my life because if I ever told anyone all of this crap no one would believe it. I'd start on it now but if I'm going to be writing anything it should probably be one of the 4 papers that I need to write by the end of the month. Yikes. It's tough when your passion directly interferes with school. My art and my lifeline gets pushed aside because I get so drained writing other things but meh. I should do a life update or something that other bloggers do I guess. I have a new job, I have about a month left of school, I have about a month until I'm 21, and I am home on a Friday night.
Lately I've been fixing things with people. I am now back in contact with all the people that were huge parts of my life last year. But now everything is so different. I was so happy then and I am so happy now but in completely different ways. I think I am finally pretty sure of who I am yet at the same time I feel lost. It's hard to be who you really are when your loved ones want something different for you. Or just one specific loved one. It's also weird to be completely single. I am surrounded by people who are just starting a new relationship, working on mending a broken one, or starting the rest of their lives together and I am Alone. And it's okay, usually, but sometimes it makes me anxious. Everyone has found their someone except me. And it's weird. I am always infatuated with someone and now I just have this empty feeling. I guess this is the downside of moving on. I do have hope though. I know it'll happen someday, it just seems so far away right now...

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