give into love, or live in fear.

for someone who wants to be a writer sometimes words are really hard for me to find. especially when it matters. i've never been an eloquent speaker honestly but it seems like lately i've gotten even worse. things have been off for me lately. i guess i'm finally getting older and realizing i can't be as carefree as i used to be. i guess that's what getting older does to you. you get more and more experience and sometimes you don't heal as fully as you would previously and sometimes things change you and you can't ever be the same. that's something people don't ever warn you about. sometimes you get broken and you can't ever be fixed. i think it happens to all of us at some point. it's worse for some of us than others obviously, but i still think it's something affects us all. you eventually wonder if it's already happened to you or if it'll only get worse. we're all kind of just carrying around this baggage and i think i'm at a point where everyone else i meet is carrying their baggage too. i know i have mine. it's getting heavier as the years wear on but it's not unmanageable either. but it's something i carry around with me to every new relationship and every new person that i meet. it's something that i have to address at some point and eventually stop hiding behind to let someone in. and i am finally letting someone in and it's terrifying. you never know if this person will lighten your load or make it even heavier...and that's the point that i think i'm at today. letting people in is hard after you've been broken. and it's horrifying but it's worth it.