Friday, January 14, 2011

you used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade.

I should probably actually write something here instead of putting random images and curse words in to convey what I’m feeling. I guess honestly I’ve been running and trying to ignore all the feelings that have been brought up this week.

I haven’t had this much of an emotional week in a long time. It’s been hard and only because of one person. Which in the scheme of things is a little bit ridiculous. Especially because it’s a person who shouldn’t really have any effect on me at all anymore.

I don’t know what I even expected from him. He hasn’t said a word to me, probably has hardly looked at me. Yet I am just so aware of him. All the time. It’s like when he’s around me my senses go into overdrive and every sound is louder, every color richer, and every movement more pronounced. The butterflies still come every time too. I start to get nervous the night before and by the time I’m driving to school I feel so nauseous that I wonder where I could possibly vomit in my car. I manage to keep it under control but I don’t know. I feel like it’s inevitable that we’ll have to talk to each other at some point. I feel like I should ask if we can ever be okay but at the same time, I don’t know why I feel like I should be the one to ask. He’s the one who broke this. I should be the one who hates him. I do hate him most of the time and honestly he deserves it.

And I get to see him again in…9ish hours. Fantastic.

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