some nights.

For some reason, I always have this running dialogue in my head and it usually begins with "My name is Sammy. I have blonde hair and blue eyes and I ________." And the blank is whatever is on my mind at the time. I don't know when I started narrating my life in this way. It seems like it's been forever. And it's stupid, really. I probably have even written about it before. But anyway.

Summer makes me nostalgic. Which is weird. I think every season makes me nostalgic in one way or another though. I guess I truly am an old soul at heart because for some reason I always think longingly of the past as "the good ole days", even though truthfully it wasn't as good as I remember it being. I was reflecting on warm summer nights like this, while driving home from work as I drove past a car with one headlight aglow and I instinctively hit the roof of my car with my fist, yelling "SEX!" And I thought of a boy with pale blue eyes and a big, goofy smile that he was never really fond of, spread across his face looking at me. And it was weird because I hardly think of him that way at all anymore.

And then I started thinking... 

I remember writing a similar post last year. Reminiscing on what my previous summer was like and wondering how different I'd feel this summer from last. The funny thing is, I actually feel exactly the same as I did last summer. Even though almost everything in my world is different. I wondered what friends I'd lose and what people I wouldn't think about anymore. Or people I'd long to think about. But I never could have imagined who I would gain, or ever be prepared for some I would lose. I'm also surprised by those who I lost but have since gained back and under what circumstances. It's all crazy really. Life, I mean. I don't really know why I'm writing this, or why I have a blog anymore. No one reads this, or cares. But I thought I'd throw something out there.  

even the sun sets on paradise.

I'm a terrible writer. On account of the fact that I don't do it anymore. I don't write. Which is a pretty big fail. If I'm being truthful, it's because I'm afraid. I have purposefully been avoiding writing for about a week now, even though I know it could probably help me the most. A lot has happened and even though I only turned 21 a week and a half ago, I feel like I've aged immensely. I don't want to talk about it though. Like I said I've been avoiding it. And I honestly will probably never discuss it on a blog. So...there's that. My life has become pretty routine really. I work 20ish hours a week but I feel like it's all I do. That and watching shows on Netflix. It's not bad really. I spend a lot of money on clothes too. And I really do need to invest in a new laptop. That's the main reason why I don't blog actually. My old one stays on for like 20 min then goes to hell and restarts itself with some crazy error message. Then it works fine, ha. It's weird. I am going to buy one though so don't worry. I just need to save up a couple hundred more dollars. I had lunch with my old neighbor from Utah State today. It was completely random but good to see him again haha. It's funny how much people can change but still stay the same.