Are you aware of the shape I'm in?

I'm a writer that doesn't write so it would seem. Being graduated is weird. I feel like my life has been split into two parts now. The school portion of my life and the now portion. I know my life can't come together instantly but it'd be nice if a couple things could fall into place. I was never one of those people to set goals for myself. I have memories of being in elementary school and having it be this big deal to set academic goals for yourself and I never had any. My life has always just been fulfilling society's expectations of me over and over and up until now there was always an obvious next step. But here I am now on the precipice of adulthood. I need to get a job. I need to get an apartment or a house and maybe a dog or something. I need to date someone but that's a whole different issue. I don't know what the hell I'm doing or how to plan for anything because I never thought I'd make it anywhere. I guess I'm surprised as hell I made it to 22 and made it through college. I suppose I should've believed in myself more because I don't have any plans now. And I know this blog is a shout into the void and no one takes it seriously but it does help to throw my feelings somewhere and at least pretend I am an actual writer because I'm publishing something albeit on my own on a blog with almost no traffic. I guess I'm back.

somebody that i used to know.

I've been trying to write this blog post in my head for days now and I still haven't perfected it. This is my first attempt at actually typing out what I want to say so hopefully it all comes together.

It's been an interesting year.

For some reason, February is the time where I reflect the most on my life. I think it's because I realized that February is always when I meet people who change my life completely. This year is no different but first I'm going to reflect for a moment. I've needed to move on from someone for awhile now. Moving on has never been my strong suit; I always guard my heart so when I give it to someone I give it completely. Because of this it's hard for me to accept the fact when I'm wrong about a person and my heart gets broken. I am not quick to trust anyone so it's a big deal when I fall in love. This makes it pretty damn hard for me when I have to fall out of love and it takes me even longer. I'm sure that's pretty normal for most people but for me it seems nearly impossible. I'm not trying to place blame on him or anything like that. I have accepted the way things ended between us and I'm finally in a place where I can look back on our memories and it doesn't hurt. I won't say I don't miss the times we shared together but we're two different people now. I'd love to be his friend again but he doesn't seem to want that from me which is fine and I respect that. I can finally say that for the first time in months that I honestly know I'm going to be okay. Memory lane is a place I still visit from time to time but I don't live there anymore. Yes I made that up and yes you can use it ;)

Moving on is fun though. Even though it's terrifying and you never know what lies around the corner that's half the fun of it. You know what's behind you and you know what you're leaving and even though that's safe and comfortable it's not necessarily happier. And maybe happier is just within your reach, you just have to be willing to risk it. It's time to feel things again.

"I cannot forget that I am in love with you. I'm sorry."

I said I didn't want to do this.

Remember 2011. But on New Year's Eve it seems almost inevitable so I will try to keep it short and sweet and possibly just sum it up with this quote from One Tree Hill

"This year I got everything I wanted and everything I wished for, but in a way, I lost even more."


It's true. I had everything this year, more than I ever could have anticipated. And I lost all of it and possibly even more. And although at the end of most trials people look back and are grateful because they learned a lot about themselves and they don't take things for granted anymore or something, I don't know if that's true for me. And maybe it's not true for anyone. We all just say these things because looking back on the past actually breaks our hearts but we know we can't do anything to fix it. We can't change the past. The way we acted and reacted to things that changed our lives is over; we have to keep moving. 
So maybe that's just what we tell ourselves to ease the pain of what we've lost or things that have changed. We tell ourselves it's okay, I'm better now for it. I've grown. 


But I don't know if I really have. Do any of us? I mean really, do we ever really change? I'd like to say yes and maybe we can. And not to quote One Tree Hill again but I think I have to 
"...at the end of the day, you are who you are. And at the end of the day, it's probably who you've always been."
I think the only way we really change is we become more of who we really are. I don't think you can dramatically change your personality. People get hurt and have to adapt and change all the time, but really deep down you're just becoming more of who you are. I mean, I know it's possible and there are exceptions to the rule but I think this is the rule. Who you are is who you've always been.

In other news...

I made the Dean's list this semester so I guess having a broken heart was good for something.

I still haven't given up yet.

the one that got away.

So obviously I have been better at the whole blogging thing. I have just been busy with school, not to mention I barely get on a computer anymore unless I'm doing satanic Spanish homework. I also haven't really had much inspiration for the blog (sorry). So I'm gonna take a lame cop-out and just do a survey. Pretend it's Tuesday and we'll have Truthful Tuesday...ha.

What size is the last bed you kissed on? 

Queen.

When was the last time you were sick? 

Hmm couple weeks ago I think.

Are you one of those people who are always cold? 

Almost always haha.

What are you listening to? 

Let's Snuggle playlist on 8tracks! woo.

How many more days until your birthday? 

172 days. I have a countdown in my phone.

Do you have any summer plans yet? 

Nah, it's still pretty far away :(

When was the last time you shaved your legs? 

I don't even want to answer this. Mainly because I don't know. Gross.

Is there someone you wish you were closer with?

Definitely.

Do you tend to waste a lot of money?

Yeah, I try really hard to watch my spending though.

Have any addictions?

You could say that.

Are you anything like your siblings?

My sister and I are basically twins in a lot of ways, so yeah.

Have you ever had a stalker?

Haha no.

What did you last drink?
Coke.

Have you ever received an injury from a hook up?

Hahaha couple bruises and sore muscles ;)

What did you last eat?

Chocolate gelato.

Who is the last person you hugged?

My mom I think haha.

Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

Yes I do!

When was the last time you had a crowd at your house?

I don't even know.

What can you smell?

Nothing?

How many cell phones have you had?

4 I think.

Which school year do you think will be the saddest?

Haha I don't really know how to answer that.

Do you have trust issues?

Yeah...

Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

No I'm not.

Where do you get all your clothes?

All kinds of places? 

What did you do today?

Went to class, helped put up Christmas lights, bagged tons of leaves, went to a movie, out to dinner, and just hung out at home. Nice and chill.

Do you look at the keyboard when you type?

Hahaha no. I never do.

Do you have a YouTube account?

Sure do.

Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

I don't think so actually.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

Absolutely.

Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?

No :)

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

Yes indeed.

Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person?

Yes haha.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

Depends on who I'm sleeping with.

Will next friday be a good one?

Fridays are always great.

When was the last time something bothered you?

Today.

Do you think age matters in relationships?

Yes and no.

Honestly, if you could go back 8 months and change something, would you?

Ha I would change so much...I think about it all the time.

Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Not yet.

When will your next kiss be?

No idea...

Who was the first male you talked to today?

In person, it was Ryan.

tell me now, where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart?

It's weird how slowly time goes by when you're waiting for a text message. And it kinda scares me how easy it is to slip back into old habits. And I'm kind of at the point where I stop feeling anything again. I always think I'll like that part but I never seem to. Sometimes I'd rather just be angry. Anger is easy. It blocks out pain too. You feel invincible and that whatever is bringing you down is insignificant, that you can handle it. But numbness, now that's something different altogether. You start crying and you don't know why. You just are crying. And the make up is stinging your eyes but you don't dare stop because who knows what else might happen after that. Who knows what else might try to seep out of you. And what else might be seeping in.
Hello depression, my old friend...as if I'm greeting an old classmate from school or something. Depression is definitely my enemy. It sits in the shadows of my mind waiting for a moment of weakness. I'll give it credit for that though, it has never truly left me alone. It's always waiting for it's time to shine...or darken I suppose. And I guess it found me again.

I think I've been pretty open that I have depression and if you didn't know that about me now you know. And it is something I have carried around with me for about 8 years. I've been trying my hardest to fight it but it's not working anymore. It's effecting my family and relationships. I just feel so alone and others would probably say I'm just desperate for attention and I guess that's true. Everyone has kind of abandoned me and no one knows how much help I need. I am hopefully starting therapy again soon and I'm scared but I want to get better and I owe it to all of you to do so so I can be a good friend to you again.

So please just bear with me for awhile. I'm trying as hard as I can even though it may not seem like it :/


Thanks. I love you all.

stolen from jill.

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to 10 Different People (but don't say their name):
1. I wish I could do more to help you. You've been such a good friend to me and you don't deserve all the terrible things that have happened to you in your life.
2. I think you're an idiot. I wish you never pushed me away. I feel like the only person in the world who wants to help you and you're denying yourself of it. You've brought this upon yourself. I still love you though, despite everything. I wish I knew you still cared. I wish you'd talk to me. You broke your promise. You ended up just like him.
3. I miss you. You were my best friend. You knew me better than anyone. I've really needed you these past few weeks but I've been too afraid to reach out. I'm too afraid that you'll leave me again.
4. I really wish you weren't doing this. I know you think it'll make you happy, but I don't want to see you get hurt. You mean a lot to me.
5. I meant it when I said I don't know what I'd do without you. You've been there with me through so much and I think we've always had a special bond...I guess you knew that too. I'm still shocked about everything but the fact that it's you makes it a lot less scary.
6. I know you worry about me, but I promise I'm going to be fine. I'm still the same girl you always knew, now I just get to be honest.
7. I'm so glad we're friends. You make me laugh like no other and we've gotten really close really quickly. I know you feel the same way about me and it's fantastic. I think we'll be friends for a long time. If we can get through all this we can get through anything.
8. You annoy the living hell out of me.
9. I hate your boyfriend. I hope you don't end up together, please you're so much better than that.
10. I probably take our friendship for granted a lot but you've always been there for me. More so than anyone else, even when I call you at 3 in the morning bawling or because I can't sleep. Thanks for being so sweet.

Nine Things About Myself:
1. I am left handed.
2. I'm lactose intolerant but believe ice cream is always worth the pain.
3. Taurus and proud.
4. I would love to run away and not tell a soul.
5. I want to be a cat that lives in a bookstore in my next life.
6. I've kissed eleven people.
7. I could eat Thai, Indian, and sushi for every meal and be extremely happy.
8. London is my favorite city.
9. I'm in love with Bradley Cooper.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
1. Honesty.
2. Make me laugh.
3. Endless conversations.
4. Proving that you'll stick around.
5. Going on fun/spontaneous/random/awesome adventures.
6. The little things (ie holding my hand, i love yous, compliments)
7. Letting me meet your family and friends. It means a lot.
8. Not giving up on me when I'm stubborn.

Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:
1. You.
2. Money.
3. Traveling.
4. My family and friends.
5. Naps.
6. How much I want another dog.
7. Song lyrics.

Six Things I Do Before Falling Asleep
1. Put pajamas on.
2. Brush teeth.
3. Take make up off.
4. Check facebook and twitter.
5. Text.
6. Think about stuff and hope that I can fall asleep that night.

Five People Who Mean a Lot:
1. Katy
2. My parents.
3. The rest of my family.
4. My Georgey Shore family
5. My other amazing friends.

Four Things I'm Wearing:
1. Pink and white striped shirt I got for my birthday.
2. Jean shorts.
3. Silver bow earrings.
4. Socks.

Three Songs I Listen to Often (this summer):
1. Fools Like Me - Vanessa Carlton
2. She (For Liz) - Parachute
3. Wayy too many Taylor Swift songs

Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
1. See the Northern Lights while in a hot tub.
2. Live on the coast of Maine

One Confession:
1. 

do you remember how it used to be, we'd turn out the lights and didn't just sleep

So I'm just sitting in my room listening to a playlist on 8 Tracks called "From Bitter to Better" and trying to figure out when exactly I became so old. I became acutely aware of it today while wandering around Butlerville Days with my friends and looking at all the high school kids and thinking "God, did I really look that clueless and awkward at 16?" And I realized that yes in fact I did, and I probably looked worse... this was me at 16

If you don't think that's bad enough check this out

I had no boobs hahaha

I'm also super weirded out that I have so many pictures of me from high school where I'm taking dumb mirror shots. I forgot this was when Myspace was still popular. Maybe I'll post more if you're lucky ;) 

But I digress

I'm 20 years old. And when I got home from my night I sat down next to mom and watched Doug on the 90's Are All That and seriously I felt so old. I have just had a strange night I guess. I'm not even sure how to word how I feel right now, I just feel really weird. I guess I reflected back on high school and graduation and I thought of my life then and I never imagined I'd end up this way. When I graduated high school I thought I was going to Utah State. I thought I'd go there for four years and become a psychologist which meant going somewhere else for grad school and now I'm on a completely different path. My best friends then are now total strangers to me that I've barely talked to in the past year. Some people that I was acquaintances with or enemies with even are some of my closest friends now. I suppose vice versa has happened as well, I've lost some close friends too. People have been engaged, married, and having kids that I never expected would settle down so fast. It's all just mind blowing I guess.

I don't really know what the point of this was but it's nice to throw my thoughts out there sometimes. I think I'm always contemplative and thinking about how different my 24th of July always is every year. Last year I was at a Real game with my boyfriend Truong and Ed and Diana. Truong and I went out to lunch at Market Street and then we swam in Chelsea's pool with Ed before the game and I didn't have a swimsuit so I swam in my underwear haha. She was on vacation and her cousin was over and he came outside and scared the hell out of us. Truong was pretending to be a koala and clinging to me and said I was a eucalyptus tree. It's weird the things you remember. Haha. The year before I barely remember. Jane wasn't my friend anymore and I think I stayed home and sulked about it. The year before that Jane and I went to Butlerville Days together and watched the fireworks in our friend Brad's backyard. I don't know why I'm telling you guys all of this I'm just feeling reflective. My heart is big. I remember things down to the very last details and it's hard for me to let go I guess. It's hard for me to believe that people I loved so dearly could stop loving me back but it seems to be a trend in my life. People move on, but I never seem to.

dsfdshregfd

I have these meltdowns probably once a month. I think I bottle things up a lot. I've somehow gotten it into my head that showing weakness is probably the worst thing a person can do. So I keep everything inside me. I'm a very sensitive person too so eventually (about once a month) it all hits me and I either start hyperventilating and freaking out or crying and getting really depressed. It scares me when I get like this and I continually tell myself I need to be stronger and keep bottling these things up but the cup always spills over and I can't undo it once it happens. The flood gates open I guess you could say. And I guess that's what's been going on the past couple of days and I can't stop it and it's scaring me. I feel so fragile and I hate it and I feel like a burden and annoyance to everyone around me. I don't know how to not be like this though :/

reunited.

I've been sitting here staring at this blank page trying my hardest to figure out a way to start this entry. I think I just have to dive in. I guess after awhile of missing someone you start to get used to that feeling that something is missing until you see them again. Especially when it's someone who used to be such a big part of your life. I had coffee with my former best friend Jane yesterday and I still kind of can't believe it. I don't really know what more to say about it except that it's weird how there's some people that I think you never really lose a connection with. It was a little bit awkward at first and we've both changed a bit but we still have a bond and I could tell she still really cares about me. Hopefully we'll be able to rekindle our friendship even more over the next couple months while she's home.

We also got mistaken for these two like old times. Ha!

hopeful

This was my favorite secret this week. I hope it doesn't remain a secret. I'm sure Alyssa would love to know how much her boyfriend supports her. Depression is something that I struggle with and have struggled with since I was diagnosed in 7th grade, it's ridiculously hard to overcome and if I were Alyssa I'd want to know this.

oh hello May.

I forgot to say hello to my favorite month of the year! Not just because it's my birthday month (which it is) but because it's when Utah finally starts to cooperate and act like springtime. It's beautiful and I absolutely love it.

In other news, I really really want these shirts and they are only 10 dollars right now. Whaaaat?

I can't decide between the green or the pink...oops.

Aren't they all adorbs? And only 10 bucks at ae.com

I might have to splurge for them all ha! Oh wait...I do have a birthday coming up ;)

give into love, or live in fear.

for someone who wants to be a writer sometimes words are really hard for me to find. especially when it matters. i've never been an eloquent speaker honestly but it seems like lately i've gotten even worse. things have been off for me lately. i guess i'm finally getting older and realizing i can't be as carefree as i used to be. i guess that's what getting older does to you. you get more and more experience and sometimes you don't heal as fully as you would previously and sometimes things change you and you can't ever be the same. that's something people don't ever warn you about. sometimes you get broken and you can't ever be fixed. i think it happens to all of us at some point. it's worse for some of us than others obviously, but i still think it's something affects us all. you eventually wonder if it's already happened to you or if it'll only get worse. we're all kind of just carrying around this baggage and i think i'm at a point where everyone else i meet is carrying their baggage too. i know i have mine. it's getting heavier as the years wear on but it's not unmanageable either. but it's something i carry around with me to every new relationship and every new person that i meet. it's something that i have to address at some point and eventually stop hiding behind to let someone in. and i am finally letting someone in and it's terrifying. you never know if this person will lighten your load or make it even heavier...and that's the point that i think i'm at today. letting people in is hard after you've been broken. and it's horrifying but it's worth it.

i wanna go far away.

Things you [probably] don't know about me:

• I am an interesting combination of sensitivity and strength. I have a pretty hard exterior and will stick up for myself against anyone, but on the inside things get to me and stay in my head for a really long time. I guess I pretty much embody forgiving but never forgetting...

• I love picture frames. seriously. Especially detailed ones or ones with rhinestones. Ha.

• Hair/make-up tutorial videos are really relaxing to me for some reason...yeah Idk what that means either. They're calming to me though. especially Michelle Phan videos.

• I do not live by the old adage that "actions speak louder than words". I think most people do and can figure out how people feel about them by their actions and not what they say but not me. I need verbal reassurance that I matter to people.

• I can't cry in front of people. Seriously there's only a handful of people that I've ever cried in front of. If you're one of them you should know you're in a select group and I probably really trust[ed] you.

• I have recently discovered/accepted the fact that I am lactose intolerant. but that does not stop me from eating ice cream like it's going out of style.

• I have a fantasy of living in New England on the shore preferably in an old lighthouse. Sometimes in this fantasy I am a crazy old recluse who writes novels and poetry and scares the people in the local town. Other times I live with a man whom I love and we cuddle in front of our fireplace doing a crossword puzzle with our dog laying beside us.

That is seven random things about me. I'm not even sure why I told anybody these things but no one is commenting my stuff so I thought I'd throw that out there.

Enjoy my weird mind.

fake palindromes

My name is Sammy Smith.

I have blonde hair and blue eyes.

I am completely overwhelmed by this stupid paper I'm supposed to be writing right now so for some reason my mind keeps narrating itself in a stupid manner so I thought if I wrote on my blog maybe it would go away.

So far it hasn't.

I guess there's a couple other things stressing me out more than my paper, it's just that the paper seems to be the most prevalent issue at the moment so it's taking all the heat.

I randomly have the urge to say that I hate John Mayer and Jack Johnson. I know, something must be wrong with me but I've never liked those two and I swear everyone else my age does. I'd rather listen to Andrew Bird and Joshua Radin. I probably should've gone to Joshua Radin's concert now that I think about it but 22 dollars seems like a lot of money to me these days. My Wednesday night was rather interesting on it's own anyway...

I don't know where these thoughts are coming from. I wish my brain would shut up for two seconds so maybe I could come up with something intelligent but at the same time, I really don't think anyone in my Modernism class is particularly intelligent. They all seem like desperate wannabes who just say things they think my tries-too-hard professor wants to hear. Maybe if they said it in French they'd impress him otherwise...I don't know. Now I'm just being catty and I don't really mean that. I guess I'm just so overwhelmed.

I want to run way. Why am I even in college? I don't know.

my one true love...

I completely agree with this picture. People who don't want to travel or see this beautiful Earth that we are so fortunate to live on are crazy and I want nothing to do with them.

I was born to travel. My whole life has been sprinkled with traveling. I was lucky enough to be born to parents who have the means to let us travel quite often. My grandpa was in the Air Force while my dad was growing up so my dad has moved quite a bit. I honestly can't even remember all the places he's lived growing up but I know he lived in Indiana, Texas, England, Germany, Utah, the Philippines and probably other places I've forgotten. Since then he was also in the Air Force for a bit after my parents were married and they lived in Turkey, Germany, and Washington before settling in Utah. I guess you could say traveling is in my blood and something that I'm used to and kind of expect. The airport is almost like my second home, I get so excited every time I drive out there. I'm not a huge fan of the Salt Lake airport but I still love it because of the feelings of anticipation and excitement I get when I go there or the feelings of peace and comfort when I come home to the beautiful SLC skyline and my favorite mountains.

I've had some of my most life changing and maturing experiences while traveling. The summer after my sophomore year of high school I went to Europe for a couple weeks with a group from my school. It was the first time I had really traveled without my family and I learned so much about myself. I honestly know without a doubt I would be a completely different person without the things I have witnessed while traveling. It has made me cultured and appreciative of the freedoms I enjoy in America as well as just appreciating the beautiful world around us. There is so much to see and feel, so many people to meet, and so much to learn.

On that note, I've been in Utah wayy too long. I haven't left the state since last summer and I feel like I'm suffocating. I have never gone this long without some kind of trip being planned. The only thing I have for awhile is random trips to St George which hardly feed my addiction and then South Carolina in the summer like usual.

I need to explore but I have no money to do so. This is one of the worst feelings for me.

My Silver Medallion membership might be expiring soon too. Wonder how many Sky Miles I have... ;)

So...

A lot of stuff went down last night. I don't wanna go into it on the internet but basically I am finally starting over and moving on after 6 months.

Yeah I know that's ridiculous but hey at least I'm moving on now right?

I'm finally feeling the old strength that I used to have coming back to me and it feels great.

& i wonder if i ever cross your mind...

I officially:

-Suck at school, supposed to be writing an essay and don't even understand the topic

-Love Glee. Didn't think I could love it anymore but I doooo.

-Need sleep. I'm losing my mind from the stress of needing to write this essay and not knowing how mixed with loving Glee and a long car ride home today.

Oh and not giving a crap about the Superbowl was hard work.

Ha joke.

Anyway I should get off this stupid blog.

I looooove this boy. I made it Twitter official. So he basically officially thinks I'm a crazy stalker.

I love...

Pictures of deserted roads that look like they haven't seen a car in a long time.

I also have always had a fantasy of running through an empty field in the middle of nowhere.

I'm starting to realize more and more though that running away from my problems isn't helping anything. I told myself that I'd love to move away and start all over but in all honesty I can't change where I'm coming from. And moving away may seem like the ultimate fix but it's only cowardice. I wish you'd realize that too. It doesn't matter if I'm a thousand miles away or three feet away from you, the distance still hurts and if anything adding more distance makes it worse. I spend all my time wondering where you are and who you're with but imagine that from a different time zone. I can't. I'm wondering if that's why I wasn't meant to be in London right now, I have to figure things out with you. It's what we're supposed to do. This is our chance.

that boy is a monster…

 

I’ve spent a lot of time wasting time today. Mostly cleaning up my playlists on iTunes and my iPod and what not. It’s been weird looking at the “last played” column. Thinking back to those times when I last listened to a certain song. I can almost put myself back into that moment somehow. And it’s crazy. I feel like I should warn the girl listening to the song of impending danger or changes that would happen. Or tell her to remember the way things are in that moment and appreciate them.

I guess I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on things lately. I was tagged in our high school panoramic picture on Facebook tonight. I had completely forgotten it existed. It made me sad thinking that we won’t ever all be together in that big of a group again. Not everyone will attend reunions. So many people have changed already. I immediately looked for him in the picture too. He looked so stoic and different which is weird. I wonder what the boy in the picture would think if he saw the current man he’s trying to be. And I think of the fact that we graduated together and had a class together and had no idea how perfect we were for each other. I guess it makes me scared and excited for the future. It makes me want to appreciate this moment I’m in now because I’ll miss it someday.

first post of 2011

This is also incidentally my 101st blog post on this website. Crazyyy. Especially because most of them are really stupid ha.

Anyway, I could do the whole cliché thing of posting my new years resolutions but I highly doubt any of you care. Also, let’s be honest. It’s January 2nd, do you have any idea how many resolutions have already been broken? Probably a lot, I don’t know the exact number either haha.

I really do have some goals for myself though and I feel like I should put them in writing so I adhere to them a little bit. No one will comment on this anyway so here are the goals for 2011 and just life in general and beyond this year.

1. Exercise more. And by more I mean at all. I am thinking 3x a week. Trying to keep this realistic. Ha.

2. Be less emotionally charged. I am a sensitive (yet very strong and stubborn) person. I have a side of me that can get ugly if I am frustrated, upset, or overwhelmed and I know everyone does but I seem to be lashing out at people more and more and I really need to stop. I feel terrible and childish afterwards so I am really working on this now.

3. Get a job. I am trying so hard but it really has to happen now.

4. Find time to write and read more. Seriously, I am an English major failure.

I’d like to act like number 5 of my goals would be to successfully stop thinking about him. But I know that won’t happen. And in any case, I will begin seeing him on a regular basis so that will be interesting. Maybe we’ll finally get things right. I feel like there has to be a reason why we’re still so upset about things.

Enough about me, here is my wish for all of you this year.